so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
