If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
