I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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