He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
