We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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