He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
