she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
two words: eviction party
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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