I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
