i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
