OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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