I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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