Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
