allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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