My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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