I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
