Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
