I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
