So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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