He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
