Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
