Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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