you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
