just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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