the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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