I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
