im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize