Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
