I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
