I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you win again, gameday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
