Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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