Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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