Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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