So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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