six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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