You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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