what day is it and did you see me today?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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