You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god it's open bar.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
