I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
