It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
