I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
