I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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