sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
