Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
