It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
