a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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