Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
