I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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