I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
