I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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