guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
