it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
