if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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