Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
