im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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