Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
