I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love having hate sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
