i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize