I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
