you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
