So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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