According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
