am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize