Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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