I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need to wash the frat house off of me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
