just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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