We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
