i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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