She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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