I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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