I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
