threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
